ACT I

SCENE I. DUKE ORSINO's palace.


Enter DUKE ORSINO, CURIO, and other Lords; Musicians attending
DUKE ORSINO

If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
That strain again! it had a dying fall:
O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound,
That breathes upon a bank of violets,
Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more:
'Tis not so sweet now as it was before.
O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou.

CURIO

Will you go hunt, my lord?

DUKE ORSINO

What, Curio?

CURIO

The hart.

DUKE ORSINO

Why, so I do, the noblest that I have:
O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first,
Methought she purged the air of pestilence!
That instant was I turn'd into a hart;
And my desires, like cruel hounds,
E'er since pursue me.

Enter VALENTINE
How now! what news from her?

VALENTINE

So please my lord, I might not be admitted;
But from her handmaid do return this answer:
The element itself, till seven years' heat,
Shall not behold her face at ample view;
But, like a cloistress, she will veiled walk
And water once a day her chamber round
With eye-offending brine: all this to season
A brother's dead love..

DUKE ORSINO

O, she that hath a heart of that fine frame
To pay this debt of love but to a brother,
How will she love, when the rich golden shaft
Hath kill'd the flock of all affections else
That live in her.

Exeunt


SCENE II. The sea-coast.


Enter VIOLA, a Captain, and Sailors
VIOLA

What country, friends, is this?

Captain

This is Illyria, lady.

VIOLA

And what should I do in Illyria?
My brother he is in Elysium.
Perchance he is not drown'd: what think you, sailors?

Captain

It is perchance that you yourself were saved.

VIOLA

O my poor brother! and so perchance may he be.

Captain

True, madam: and, to comfort you with chance,
Assure yourself, after our ship did split,
When you and those poor number saved with you
Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother bind himself,
To a strong mast that lived upon the sea;
Where I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves
So long as I could see.

VIOLA

For saying so, there's gold:
Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope,.
Know'st thou this country?

Captain

Ay, madam, well; for I was bred and born
Not three hours' travel from this very place.

VIOLA

Who governs here?

Captain

A noble duke, in nature as in name.

VIOLA

What is the name?

Captain

Orsino.

VIOLA

Orsino! I have heard my father name him:
He was a bachelor then.

Captain

And so is now, or was so very late;
For but a month ago I went from hence,
And then 'twas fresh in murmur,
That he did seek the love of fair Olivia.

VIOLA

What's she?

Captain

A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count
That died some twelvemonth since, then leaving her
In the protection of his son, her brother,
Who shortly also died: for whose dear love,
They say, she hath abjured the company
And sight of men.

VIOLA

O that I served that lady

Captain

That were hard to compass;
Because she will admit no kind of suit,
No, not the duke's.

VIOLA

There is a fair behavior in thee, captain;
I'll pay thee bounteously,
Conceal me what I am, and be my aid
For such disguise as haply shall become
The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke for I can sing
And speak to him in many sorts of music
That will allow me very worth his service.

Captain

Your mute I'll be:
When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see.

VIOLA

I thank thee: lead me on.

Exeunt


SCENE III. OLIVIA'S house.


Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA
SIR TOBY BELCH

What a plague means my niece, to take the death of
her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemy to life.

MARIA

Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o'
nights: your cousin, my lady, takes great
exceptions to your ill hours.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Why, let her except..

MARIA

Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest
limits of order.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Confine! I'll confine myself no finer than I am:
these clothes are good enough to drink in; and so be
these boots too.

MARIA

That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard
my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish
knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?

MARIA

Ay, he.

SIR TOBY BELCH

He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.

MARIA

What's that to the purpose?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.

MARIA

Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats:
he's a very fool and a prodigal.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o' the
viol-de-gamboys, and speaks three or four languages
word for word without book, and hath all the good
gifts of nature.

MARIA

He's a fool, he's a great quarreller:
And he hath the gift of a coward

SIR TOBY BELCH

By this hand, they are scoundrels and subtractors
that say so of him. Who are they?

MARIA

They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company.

SIR TOBY BELCH

With drinking healths to my niece.
Here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.

Enter SIR ANDREW

SIR ANDREW

Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby Belch!

SIR TOBY BELCH

Sweet Sir Andrew!

SIR ANDREW

Bless you, fair shrew.

MARIA

And you too, sir.

SIR ANDREW

What's that?

SIR TOBY BELCH

My niece's chambermaid.

MARIA

Fare you well, gentlemen.

Exit

SIR TOBY BELCH

O knight thou lackest a cup of canary: when did I
see thee so put down?

SIR ANDREW

Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary
put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit
than a Christian or an ordinary man has: but I am a
great eater of beef and I believe that does harm to my wit.

SIR TOBY BELCH

No question.


SIR ANDREW

Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby: your niece
will not be seen; or if she be, it's four to one
she'll none of me: the count himself here hard by woos her.

SIR TOBY BELCH

She'll none o' the count:
Tut, there's life in't, man.

SIR ANDREW

I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the
strangest mind i' the world; I delight in masques
and revels sometimes altogether.
Faith, I can cut a caper.
And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong
as any man in Illyria.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Wherefore are these things hid? Why dost
thou not go to church in a galliard and come home in
a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not
so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace.

SIR ANDREW

Ay, Shall we set about some revels?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Let me see the
caper; ha! higher: ha, ha! excellent!

Exeunt


SCENE IV. DUKE ORSINO's palace.


Enter VALENTINE and VIOLA in man's attire
VALENTINE

If the duke continue these favours towards you,
Cesario, you are like to be much advanced: he hath
known you but three days, and already you are no stranger.

VIOLA

Is he inconstant, sir, in his favours?

VALENTINE

No, believe me.

VIOLA

I thank you. Here comes the count.

Enter DUKE ORSINO, CURIO, and Attendants

DUKE ORSINO

Who saw Cesario, ho?

VIOLA

On your attendance, my lord; here.

DUKE ORSINO

Good youth, address thy gait unto her;
Be not denied access, stand at her doors,
And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow
Till thou have audience.

VIOLA

Sure, my noble lord, she never will admit me.

DUKE ORSINO

Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds
Rather than make unprofited return.

VIOLA

Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?

DUKE ORSINO

O, then unfold the passion of my love,
Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith:

VIOLA

I'll do my best
To woo your lady:

Aside
yet, a barful strife!
Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.

Exeunt


SCENE V. OLIVIA'S house.


Enter MARIA and Clown
MARIA

Tell me where thou hast been, or I will
not open my lips in way of thy excuse:
My lady will hang thee for thy absence.

Clown

Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this
world needs to fear no colours.

MARIA

Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent; or,
to be turned away, is not that as good as a hanging to you?

Clown

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and,
for turning away, let summer bear it out.

MARIA

Here comes my
lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.

Exit

Clown

Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling!
'Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.'

Enter OLIVIA with MALVOLIO
God bless thee, lady!

OLIVIA

Take the fool away.

Clown

Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.

OLIVIA

Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you:
besides, you grow dishonest.

Clown

The lady bade take
away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.

OLIVIA

Sir, I bade them take away you.

Clown

Good madonna, give me leave to
prove you a fool.

OLIVIA

Can you do it?

Clown

Dexterously, good madonna.

OLIVIA

Make your proof.

Clown

Good madonna, why mournest thou?

OLIVIA

Good fool, for my brother's death.

Clown

I think his soul is in hell, madonna.

OLIVIA

I know his soul is in heaven, fool.

Clown

The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's
soul being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.

OLIVIA

What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth he not mend?

MALVOLIO

I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a
barren rascal: I saw him put down the other day
with an ordinary fool that has no more brain
than a stone.

OLIVIA

Oh, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste
with a distempered appetite.


Re-enter MARIA

MARIA

Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman much
desires to speak with you.

OLIVIA

From the Count Orsino, is it?

MARIA

I know not, madam: 'tis a fair young man, and well attended.

OLIVIA

Who of my people hold him in delay?

MARIA

Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.

OLIVIA

Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing but
madman: fie on him!

Exit MARIA
Go you, Malvolio: if it be a suit from the count, I
am sick, or not at home; what you will, to dismiss it.

Exit MALVOLIO
Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and
people dislike it.


Enter SIR TOBY BELCH

OLIVIA

By mine honour, half drunk. What is he at the gate, cousin?

SIR TOBY BELCH

A gentleman.

OLIVIA

A gentleman! what gentleman?

SIR TOBY BELCH

'Tis a gentle man here--a plague o' these
pickle-herring! How now, sot!

Clown

Good Sir Toby!


SIR TOBY BELCH

There's one at the gate.

OLIVIA

Ay, marry, what is he?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Let him be the devil, an he will, I care not: give
me faith, say I. Well, it's all one.

Exit

OLIVIA

What's a drunken man like, fool?

Clown

Like a drowned man, a fool and a mad man: one
draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads
him; and a third drowns him.

OLIVIA

Go, look after him.

Clown

He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shall look
to the madman.

Exit

Re-enter MALVOLIO

MALVOLIO

Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with
you. I told him you were sick; he takes on him to
understand so much, and therefore comes to speak
with you. I told him you were asleep; he seems to
have a foreknowledge of that too, and therefore
comes to speak with you. What is to be said to him,
lady?

OLIVIA

Tell him he shall not speak with me.

MALVOLIO

Has been told so; and he says, he'll stand at your
door like a post, but he'll speak with you.

OLIVIA

What kind o' man is he?

MALVOLIO

Of very ill manner; he'll speak with you, will you or no.

OLIVIA

Of what personage and years is he?

MALVOLIO

Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for
a boy, one would think his mother's milk were scarce out of him.

OLIVIA

Let him approach: call in my gentlewoman.

MALVOLIO

Gentlewoman, my lady calls.

Exit

Re-enter MARIA

OLIVIA

Give me my veil: come, throw it o'er my face.
We'll once more hear Orsino's embassy.

Enter VIOLA, and Attendants

VIOLA

The honourable lady of the house, which is she?

OLIVIA

Speak to me; I shall answer for her.
Your will?

VIOLA

Most radiant, exquisite and unmatchable beauty,--I
pray you, tell me if this be the lady of the house,
for I never saw her: I would be loath to cast away
my speech, for besides that it is excellently well
penned, I have taken great pains to con it.

OLIVIA

Whence came you, sir?

VIOLA

Good gentle one, give me
modest assurance if you be the lady of the house,
that I may proceed in my speech.

OLIVIA

Are you a comedian?

VIOLA

No, my profound heart: and yet I am not that I play.
Are you the lady of the house?

OLIVIA

I am.

VIOLA

I will on with my speech in your praise,
And then show you the heart of my message.

OLIVIA

Come to what is important in't: I forgive you the praise.

VIOLA

Alas, I took great pains to study it, and 'tis poetical.

OLIVIA

It is the more like to be feigned: I pray you,
keep it in, be brief: '

VIOLA

It alone concerns your ear.

OLIVIA

Yet you began rudely. What are you? what would you?

VIOLA

What I am, and what I would, are secret.

OLIVIA

Give us the place alone: we will hear this divinity.

Exeunt MARIA and Attendants
Now, sir, what is your text?

VIOLA

Most sweet lady, let me see your face.

OLIVIA

Have you any commission from your lord to negotiate
with my face? You are now out of your text: but
we will draw the curtain and show you the picture.
Look you, sir, such a one I was this present: is't
not well done?

Unveiling

VIOLA

Excellently done, if God did all.

OLIVIA

'Tis in grain, sir; 'twill endure wind and weather.

VIOLA

'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white
Nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on.

OLIVIA

Were you sent hither to praise me?

VIOLA

I see you what you are, you are too proud;
But, if you were the devil, you are fair.
My lord and master loves you: O, such love
Could be but recompensed!

OLIVIA

How does he love me?

VIOLA

With adorations, fertile tears,
With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.

OLIVIA

Your lord does know my mind; I cannot love him:
He might have took his answer long ago.

VIOLA

If I did love you,
In your denial I would find no sense;
I would not understand it.

OLIVIA

You might do much.
What is your parentage?

VIOLA

Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:
I am a gentleman.

OLIVIA

Get you to your lord;
I cannot love him: let him send no more;
Unless, perchance, you come to me again,.

VIOLA

Farewell, fair cruelty.

Exit

OLIVIA

'What is your parentage?'
'Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:
I am a gentleman.' I'll be sworn thou art;
How now!
Even so quickly may one catch the plague?
Methinks I feel this youth's perfections
With an invisible and subtle stealth
To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.
What ho, Malvolio!

Re-enter MALVOLIO

MALVOLIO

Here, madam, at your service.

OLIVIA

Run after that messenger,
He left this ring behind him,:
If that the youth will come this way to-morrow,
I'll give him reasons for't: hie thee, Malvolio.

MALVOLIO

Madam, I will.

Exit

OLIVIA

I do I know not what, and fear to find
Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.


Exit


ACT II

SCENE I. The sea-coast.


Enter ANTONIO and SEBASTIAN
ANTONIO

Will you stay no longer? nor will you not that I go with you?

SEBASTIAN

By your patience, no. My stars shine darkly over
me.

ANTONIO

Let me yet know of you whither you are bound.

SEBASTIAN

No, sir: my voyage is mere extravagancy.
But you must know of me then, Antonio,
My name is Sebastian, My father was that
Sebastian of Messaline, whom I know you have heard
of. He left behind him myself and a sister, both
born in an hour: if the heavens had been pleased,
would we had so ended! but you, sir, altered that;
for some hour before you took me from the breach of
the sea was my sister drowned.

ANTONIO

Alas the day!

SEBASTIAN

A lady, sir, though it was said she much resembled
me, was yet of many accounted beautiful: but,
She is drowned already, sir, with salt
water, though I seem to drown her remembrance again with more.

ANTONIO

Pardon me, sir, your bad entertainment.

SEBASTIAN

O good Antonio, forgive me your trouble.

ANTONIO

Let me be your servant.

SEBASTIAN

If you will not undo what you have done, that is,
kill him whom you have recovered, desire it not.
I am bound to the Count Orsino's court: farewell.

Exit

ANTONIO

The gentleness of all the gods go with thee!
I have many enemies in Orsino's court,
Else would I very shortly see thee there.
But, come what may, that danger shall seem sport, and I will go.

Exit


SCENE II. A street.


Enter VIOLA, MALVOLIO following
MALVOLIO

Were not you even now with the Countess Olivia?

VIOLA

Even now, sir.

MALVOLIO

She returns this ring to you, sir: you might have
saved me my pains, to have taken it away yourself.

VIOLA

She took the ring of me: I'll none of it.

MALVOLIO

Come, sir, you peevishly threw it to her; and her
will is, it should be so returned: if it be worth
stooping for, there it lies in your eye; if not, be
it his that finds it.

Exit

VIOLA

I left no ring with her: what means this lady?
Fortune forbid my outside have not charm'd her!
She loves me, sure!
How will this fadge? My master loves her dearly;
And I, poor monster, fond as much on him;
And she, mistaken, seems to dote on me.
What will become of this?
O time! thou must untangle this, not I;
It is too hard a knot for me to untie!

Exit


SCENE III. OLIVIA's house.


Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW
SIR TOBY BELCH

Approach, Sir Andrew: not to be abed after
midnight is to be up betimes.

SIR ANDREW

I know, to be up late is to be up late.

SIR TOBY BELCH

A false conclusion. Does not our life consist of the
four elements?

SIR ANDREW

Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists
of eating and drinking.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Thou'rt a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.
Maria, I say! a stoup of wine!

Enter Clown

SIR ANDREW

Here comes the fool, i' faith.

Clown

How now, my hearts!

SIR TOBY BELCH

Welcome, ass. Now let's have a catch.

SIR ANDREW

Excellent! A song.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come on; there is sixpence for you: let's have a song.

Clown

Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?

SIR TOBY BELCH

A love-song, a love-song.

Clown

[Sings]
O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,
That can sing both high and low:
Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
Journeys end in lovers meeting,
Every wise man's son doth know.

SIR ANDREW

Excellent good, i' faith.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Good, good.

Clown

[Sings]
What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
Present mirth hath present laughter;
What's to come is still unsure:
In delay there lies no plenty;
Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
Youth's a stuff will not endure.

SIR ANDREW

A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.

SIR TOBY BELCH

A contagious breath.

SIR ANDREW

Very sweet and contagious, i' faith.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Shall we make the welkin dance indeed? shall we
rouse the night-owl in a catch? Shall we do that?

SIR ANDREW

Let's do't: I am dog at a catch.
Begin, fool: it begins 'Hold thy peace.'

Clown

I shall never begin if I hold my peace.

SIR ANDREW

Good, i' faith. Come, begin.

Catch sung

Enter MARIA

MARIA

What a caterwauling do you keep here!
For the love o' God, peace!

Enter MALVOLIO

MALVOLIO

My masters, are you mad? or what are you? Have ye
no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like
tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an
alehouse of my lady's house?
Is there no respect of place, persons, nor
time in you?

SIR TOBY BELCH

We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!

MALVOLIO

Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me
tell you, that, she is very willing to bid you farewell.

SIR TOBY BELCH

'Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.'

MARIA

Nay, good Sir Toby.

Clown

'His eyes do show his days are almost done.'

MALVOLIO

Is't even so?

SIR TOBY BELCH

'But I will never die.'

Clown

Sir Toby, there you lie.

MALVOLIO

This is much credit to you.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Out o' tune, sir: ye lie. Art any more than a
steward? Dost thou think, because thou art
virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?
Go, sir, rub your chain with
crumbs.
A stoup of wine, Maria!

MALVOLIO

Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favour, you would not give means
for this uncivil rule: she shall know of it, by this hand.

Exit

MARIA

Go shake your ears.
For Monsieur Malvolio, let me
alone with him: if I do not gull him into a
nayword, and make him a common recreation, do not
think I have wit enough to lie straight in my bed:
I know I can do it.

SIR TOBY BELCH

What wilt thou do?

MARIA

I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of
love; wherein, by the colour of his beard, the shape
of his leg,  the expressureof his eye,
he shall findhimself most feelingly personated.
I can write verylike my lady your niece: we
can hardly make distinction of our hands.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Excellent! I smell a device.

SIR ANDREW

I have't in my nose too.

SIR TOBY BELCH

He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop,
that they come from my niece, and that she's in
love with him.

MARIA

My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour.

SIR ANDREW

And your horse now would make him an ass.

MARIA

Ass, I doubt not.

SIR ANDREW

O, 'twill be admirable!

MARIA

Sport royal, I warrant you:
Exit

SIR TOBY BELCH

Good night.

SIR ANDREW

Before me, she's a good wench.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for
more money.

SIR ANDREW

'tis too late
to go to bed now: come, knight; come, knight.

Exeunt


SCENE IV. DUKE ORSINO's palace.


Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, CURIO, and others
DUKE ORSINO

Give me some music. Now good Cesario,
 that piece of song, that old and antique song we heard last night:
Come, but one verse.

CURIO

He is not here, so please your lordship that should sing it.

DUKE ORSINO

Who was it?

CURIO

Feste, the jester, my lord; a fool that the lady
Olivia's father took much delight in. He is about the house.

DUKE ORSINO

Seek him out, and play the tune the while.

Exit CURIO. Music plays

Re-enter CURIO and Clown

DUKE ORSINO

O, fellow, come, the song we had last night.
Mark it, Cesario, it is old and plain;
The spinsters and the knitters in the sun

Clown

Are you ready, sir?

DUKE ORSINO

Ay; prithee, sing.

Music
SONG.

Clown

Come away, come away, death,
And in sad cypress let me be laid;
Fly away, fly away breath;
I am slain by a fair cruel maid.
My shroud of white, stuck all with yew,
O, prepare it!

DUKE ORSINO

There's for thy pains.

Clown

No pains, sir: I take pleasure in singing, sir.

DUKE ORSINO

I'll pay thy pleasure then.

Clown

Truly, sir, and pleasure will be paid, one time or another.

DUKE ORSINO

Give me now leave to leave thee.

Clown

Farewell.

Exit

DUKE ORSINO

Let all the rest give place.

CURIO and Attendants retire
Once more, Cesario,
Tell her, my love, more noble than the world,


VIOLA

But if she cannot love you, sir?

DUKE ORSINO

I cannot be so answer'd.

VIOLA

Sooth, but you must.
Say that some lady,
Hath for your love a great a pang of heart
As you have for Olivia: you cannot love her;
You tell her so; must she not then be answer'd?

DUKE ORSINO

There is no woman's sides
Can bide the beating of so strong a passion
As love doth give my heart.

VIOLA
.
Sir, shall I to this lady?

DUKE ORSINO

Ay, that's the theme.
To her in haste; give her this jewel; say,
My love can give no place, bide no delay.

Exeunt


SCENE V. OLIVIA's garden.


Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW

SIR TOBY BELCH

Here comes the little villain.

Enter MARIA
How now, my metal of India!

MARIA

Get ye all three into the box-tree: Malvolio's
coming down this walk: he has been yonder i' the
sun practising behavior to his own shadow this half
hour: observe him, for  I know this letter will make
a contemplative idiot of him.
Close, in the name of jesting! Lie thou there,

Throws down a letter
for here comes the trout that must be caught with tickling.

Enter MALVOLIO

MALVOLIO

'Tis but fortune; all is fortune. Maria once told
me she did affect me: and I have heard that,
should she fancy, it should be one
of my complexion.
Besides, she uses me with a more
exalted respect than any one else.
What should I think on't?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Here's an overweening rogue!

MALVOLIO

To be Count Malvolio!

SIR TOBY BELCH

Ah, rogue!

SIR ANDREW

Pistol him, pistol him.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Peace, peace!

MALVOLIO

Having been three months married to her, sitting in
my state,calling my officers about me, in my velvet
gown; having come from a day-bed,

SIR TOBY BELCH

Fire and brimstone!

MARIA

O, peace, peace!

MALVOLIO

And then telling them I know my
place as I would they should do theirs,  for my
kinsman Toby, seven of my people make
out for him: I frown the while; and perchance wind
up watch, or play with some rich jewel. Toby
approaches; courtesies there to me,

SIR TOBY BELCH

Shall this fellow live?

MALVOLIO

I extend my hand to him thus, quenching my familiar
smile with an austere regard of control,saying,
'Cousin Toby, my fortunes having cast me on
your niece give me this prerogative of speech,'--

SIR TOBY BELCH

What, what?

MALVOLIO

'You must amend your drunkenness.'

SIR TOBY BELCH

Out, scab!

MALVOLIO

'Besides, you waste the treasure of your time with
a foolish knight,'--

SIR ANDREW

That's me, I warrant you.

MALVOLIO

'One Sir Andrew,'--

SIR ANDREW

I knew 'twas I; for many do call me fool.

MALVOLIO

What employment have we here?

Taking up the letter

By my life, this is my lady's hand these be her
very C's, her U's and her T's and thus makes she her
great P's. It is her hand.

[Reads] 'To the unknown beloved, this, and my good
wishes:'--her very phrases!  To whom should this be?

[Reads]
Jove knows I love: But who?
Lips, do not move;
No man must know.
'No man must know.' What follows? If this should be
thee, Malvolio?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Marry, hang thee, brock!

MALVOLIO

[Reads]
I may command where I adore;
But silence, like a  knife,
M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.
'M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.' Nay, but first, let
me see, let me see, let me see.
'I may command where I adore.' Why, she may command
me: I serve her; she is my lady. Why, this is
evident to any formal capacity; what should
that alphabetical position portend? If I could make
that resemble something in me,--Softly! M, O, A,
I,
M,--Malvolio; M,--why, that begins my name.

MARIA

Did not I say he would work it out?

MALVOLIO
Soft!
here follows prose.

Reads
'If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my stars I
am above thee; but be not afraid of greatness: some
are born great, some achieve greatness, and some
have greatness thrust upon 'em.
Cast thy humble slough and appear fresh. Be
opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; let
thy tongue tang arguments of state;:she thus advises thee
that sighs for thee. Remember who commended thy
yellow stockings, and wished to see thee ever
cross-gartered: I say, remember. Farewell.
She that would alter services with thee,
THE FORTUNATE-UNHAPPY.'
I thank my stars I am happy. I will
be strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and
cross-gartered, my stars be praised! Here is yet a
postscript.

Reads
'Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou
entertainest my love, let it appear in thy smiling;
thy smiles become thee well; therefore in my
presence still smile, I prithee.'
Jove, I thank thee: I will smile; I will do
everything that thou wilt have me.

Exit

SIR TOBY BELCH

I could marry this wench for this device.

SIR ANDREW

So could I too.

MARIA

Nay, but say true; it works upon him.
Mark his first approach before my lady: he will come to
her in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she
abhors, and cross-gartered, a fashion she detests;
and he will smile upon her, which cannot but turn him
into a notable contempt. If you will see it, follow
me.

Exeunt


ACT III

SCENE I. OLIVIA's garden.


Enter VIOLA, and Clown with a tabour
VIOLA

Save thee, friend, and thy music: dost thou live by
thy tabour?

Clown

No, sir, I live by the church.

VIOLA

Art thou a churchman?

Clown

No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for
I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by
the church.

VIOLA

I warrant thou art a merry fellow and carest for nothing.

Clown

Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my
conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be
to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.

VIOLA

Art not thou the Lady Olivia's fool?

Clown

No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia will keep no fool, sir,
till she be married; and
fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to
herrings; the husband's the bigger:

VIOLA

I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's.

Clown

Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun,
it shines every where.

VIOLA

 Is thy lady within?

Clown

My lady is within, sir. I will construe to them whence you
come.

Exit

VIOLA

This fellow is wise enough to play the fool;
And to do that well craves a kind of wit:
.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW

SIR TOBY BELCH

Save you, gentleman.

VIOLA

And you, sir.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Will you encounter the house? my niece is desirous
you should enter, if your trade be to her.

VIOLA

I am bound to your niece, sir.

Enter OLIVIA and MARIA

Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain
odours on you!

SIR ANDREW

That youth's a rare courtier: 'Rain odours;' well.

VIOLA

My matter hath voice, to your own most vouchsafed ear.

SIR ANDREW

'Odours,' and 'vouchsafed:' I'll get 'em
all two all ready.

OLIVIA

Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to my hearing.

Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and MARIA
Give me your hand, sir.

VIOLA

My duty, madam, and most humble service.

OLIVIA

What is your name?

VIOLA

Cesario is your servant's name, fair princess.

OLIVIA

My servant, sir! You're servant to the Count Orsino, youth.

VIOLA

And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:
Your servant's servant is your servant, madam.

OLIVIA

For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts,
Would they were blanks, rather than fill'd with me!

VIOLA

Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts
On his behalf.

OLIVIA

O, by your leave, I pray you,
I bade you never speak again of him:

VIOLA

Dear lady,--

OLIVIA

I did send a ring in chase of you: so, let me hear you speak.

VIOLA

I pity you.

OLIVIA

That's a degree to love.

VIOLA

No, very oft we pity enemies.

OLIVIA

Be not afraid, good youth, I will not harm you:


VIOLA

You'll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?

OLIVIA

Stay:
I prithee, tell me what thou thinkest of me.

VIOLA

That you do think you are not what you are.

OLIVIA

If I think so, I think the same of you.

VIOLA

Then think you right: I am not what I am.

OLIVIA

I would you were as I would have you be!


VIOLA

By innocence I swear, and by my youth
I have one heart and one truth,
And that no woman has; nor never none
Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.
And so adieu, good madam: never more
Will I my master's tears to you deplore.

OLIVIA

Yet come again; for thou perhaps mayst move
That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.

Exeunt


SCENE II. OLIVIA's house.


Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW

SIR ANDREW

No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.

SIR ANDREW

Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to the
count's serving-man than ever she bestowed upon me;

SIR TOBY BELCH

She did show favour to the youth in your sight only
to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour, to
put fire in your heart and brimstone in your liver.
You should then have accosted her; and with some
excellent jests, you should
have banged the youth into dumbness..
Challenge  the count's youth to fight
hurt him in eleven places: my niece shall
take note of it; and assure thyself, there is no
love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's
commendation with woman than report of valour.

SIR ANDREW

Will you bear me a challenge to him?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief;

SIR ANDREW

Where shall I find you?

SIR TOBY BELCH

We'll call thee at the cubiculo: go.

Exit SIR ANDREW

Enter MARIA

SIR TOBY BELCH

Look, where the youngest wren of nine comes.

MARIA

If you will laugh yourself into stitches, follow me.
Malvolio is in yellow stockings.

SIR TOBY BELCH

And cross-gartered?

MARIA

He does obey every point of the letter
that I dropped to betray him: he does smile his
face into more lines than is in the new map.
I know my lady will strike him.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come, bring us, bring us where he is.

Exeunt


SCENE III. A street.


Enter SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO

SEBASTIAN

I would not by my will have troubled you;
.

ANTONIO

I could not stay behind
But jealousy, what might befall your travel,
Being skilless in these parts; set me forth in your pursuit.

SEBASTIAN

My kind Antonio,
I can no other answer make but thanks,
What's to do?
Shall we go see the reliques of this town?

ANTONIO

To-morrow, sir: best first go see your lodging.

SEBASTIAN

I am not weary, and 'tis long to night:
I pray you, let us satisfy our eyes.

ANTONIO

Would you'ld pardon me;
I do not without danger walk these streets:
Once, in a sea-fight, 'gainst the count his galleys
I did some service; that were I ta'en here it would scarce be answer'd.

SEBASTIAN

Belike you slew great number of his people.

ANTONIO

The offence is not of such a bloody nature;
Albeit the quality of the time and quarrel
Might well have given us bloody argument.

SEBASTIAN

Do not then walk too open.

ANTONIO

It doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here's my purse.
In the south suburbs, at the Elephant,
Is best to lodge, there shall you have me.

SEBASTIAN

Why I your purse?

ANTONIO

Haply your eye shall light upon some thing
You have desire to purchase, sir.

SEBASTIAN

I'll be your purse-bearer and leave you
For an hour.

ANTONIO

To the Elephant.

SEBASTIAN

I do remember.

Exeunt


SCENE IV. OLIVIA's garden.


Enter OLIVIA and MARIA
OLIVIA

Where is Malvolio? he is sad and civil,
And suits well for a servant with my fortunes:
Where is Malvolio?

MARIA

He's coming, madam; but in very strange manner. He
is, sure, possessed, madam.

OLIVIA

Why, what's the matter? does he rave?

MARIA

No. madam, he does nothing but smile: your
ladyship were best to have some guard about you, if
he come; for, sure, the man is tainted in's wits.

OLIVIA

Go call him hither.

Exit MARIA
I am as mad as he,
If sad and merry madness equal be.

Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO
How now, Malvolio!

MALVOLIO

Sweet lady, ho, ho.

OLIVIA

Smilest thou?
I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.

MALVOLIO

Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some
obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but
what of that?

OLIVIA

Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?

MALVOLIO

Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. .

OLIVIA

God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss
thy hand so oft?

MARIA

How do you, Malvolio?
Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?

MALVOLIO

'Be not afraid of greatness:' 'twas well writ.

OLIVIA

What meanest thou by that, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO

'Some are born great,'--

OLIVIA

Ha!

MALVOLIO

'Some achieve greatness,'--

OLIVIA

What sayest thou?

MALVOLIO

'And some have greatness thrust upon them.'

OLIVIA

Heaven restore thee!

MALVOLIO

'Remember who commended thy yellow stocking s,'--

OLIVIA

Thy yellow stockings!

MALVOLIO

'And wished to see thee cross-gartered.'

OLIVIA

Cross-gartered!
Why, this is very midsummer madness.

Enter Servant

Servant

Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's is
returned:.

OLIVIA

I'll come to him.

Exit Servant
Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's
my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special
care of him:

Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA

MALVOLIO

O, ho! do you come near me now? When she went away now,
'Let this fellow be looked to:' fellow! not Malvolio, nor
after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing
adheres together. What can be said? Nothing
that can be can come between me and the full
prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove be thanked.

Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH

SIR TOBY BELCH

Which way is he, I'll speak to him.

MALVOLIO

Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: go
off.

MARIA

Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not
I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a
care of him.

MALVOLIO

Ah, ha! does she so?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently
with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how
is't with you?

MALVOLIO

Do you know what you say?

MARIA

Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.

MALVOLIO

My prayers, minx!

MARIA

No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.

MALVOLIO

Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow
things: I am not of your element: you shall know
more hereafter.

Exit

SIR TOBY BELCH

Is't possible?

MARIA

If this were played upon a stage now, I could
condemn it as an improbable fiction.


SIR TOBY BELCH

Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My
niece is already in the belief that he's mad.. But see, but see.

Enter SIR ANDREW

SIR ANDREW

Here's the challenge, read it: warrant there's
vinegar and pepper in't.

MARIA

Is't so saucy?

SIR ANDREW

Ay, is't, I warrant him: do but read.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Give me.

Reads
'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.'
Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind,
why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.'
'Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my
sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy
throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.'
I will waylay thee going home; where if it
be thy chance to kill me,
Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.'
Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon
one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but
my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy
friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
ANDREW AGUECHEEK.
If this letter move him not, his legs cannot:
I'll give't him.

MARIA

You may have very fit occasion for't: he is now in
with my lady, and will by and by depart.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the
orchard so soon as ever thou seest
him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible. Away!

SIR ANDREW

Nay, let me alone for swearing.

Exit

SIR TOBY BELCH

This letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no
terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a
clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by
word of mouth and set upon Aguecheek a notable report
of valour. This will so fright them both that they will kill
one another by the look, like cockatrices.

Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA

Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA

OLIVIA

I have said too much unto a heart of stone
And laid mine honour out:
Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture;
Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you;
And I beseech you come again to-morrow.

Exit

Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH

SIR TOBY BELCH

Gentleman, God save thee.

VIOLA

And you, sir.

SIR TOBY BELCH

That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what
nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know
not; but thy intercepter, bloody as
the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end:

VIOLA

You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel
to me:

SIR TOBY BELCH

You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore,
if you hold your life at any price, betake you to
your guard.

VIOLA

I pray you, sir, what is he?

SIR TOBY BELCH

He is knight,  a devil in private brawl:
souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and
satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death

VIOLA

I will return again into the house and desire some
conduct of the lady. I am no fighter.

SIR TOBY BELCH
Back you shall not to the
house, strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you
must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.

VIOLA

This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you what
my offence to him is: it is something of my
negligence, nothing of my purpose.

SIR TOBY BELCH

I will do so.

Exit

Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH, with SIR ANDREW

SIR TOBY BELCH

Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a
firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and
all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal
motion.

SIR ANDREW

Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Ay, but he will not now be pacified:

SIR ANDREW

Plague on't,  Let him let the matter slip,
and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.

SIR TOBY BELCH

I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good show
on't: this shall end without the perdition of souls.

Aside
Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.

Re-enter VIOLA

SIR TOBY BELCH

There's no remedy, sir; he will fight
with you for's oath sake: therefore draw, for
the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.

VIOLA

[Aside] Pray God defend me! A little thing would
make me tell them how much I lack of a man.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman
will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you;
as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he
will not hurt you. Come on; to't.

SIR ANDREW

Pray God, he keep his oath!

VIOLA

I do assure you, 'tis against my will.

They draw

Enter ANTONIO

ANTONIO

Put up your sword. If this young gentleman
Have done offence, I take the fault on me:
If you offend him, I for him defy you.

SIR TOBY BELCH

You, sir! why, what are you?

ANTONIO

One, sir, that dares yet do more
Than you have heard him brag to you he will.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.

They draw

Enter Officers

First Officer

This is the man; do thy office.

Second Officer

Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.

ANTONIO

You do mistake me, sir.

First Officer

No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,
Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
Take him away: he knows I know him well.

ANTONIO

I must obey.

To VIOLA
This comes with seeking you:
But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.
What will you do, now my necessity
Makes me to ask you for my purse?
You stand amazed;
But be of comfort.

Second Officer

Come, sir, away.

ANTONIO

I must entreat of you some of that money.

VIOLA

What money, sir?

ANTONIO

Will you deny me now?
Do not tempt my misery,
Lest that it make me so unsound a man
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
That I have done for you.

VIOLA

I know of none;
Nor know I you by voice or any feature:.

ANTONIO

O heavens themselves!

Second Officer

Come, sir, I pray you, go.

ANTONIO

Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,.

First Officer

What's that to us? The time goes by: away!

First Officer

The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir.

ANTONIO

Lead me on.

Exit with Officers

VIOLA

Methinks his words do from such passion fly,
That he believes himself: so do not I.
Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,
That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come hither, knight; come hither.

VIOLA

He named Sebastian: O, if it prove,
Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.

Exit

SIR TOBY BELCH

A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than
a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his
friend here in necessity and denying him.

SIR ANDREW

'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.

SIR ANDREW

An I do not,--

Exeunt


ACT IV

SCENE I. Before OLIVIA's house.


Enter SEBASTIAN and Clown
Clown

Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?

SEBASTIAN

Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow:
Let me be clear of thee.

Clown

Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor
I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come
speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario;
nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.

SEBASTIAN

I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else: Thou
know'st not me.

Clown

Vent my folly! he has heard that word of some
great man and now applies it to a fool. Vent my
folly! Shall vent to my lady: shall I vent to her that thou art coming?

SEBASTIAN

I prithee, fool, depart from me: There's
money for thee: if you tarry longer, I shall give
worse payment.

Clown

By my troth, thou hast an open hand.

Enter SIR ANDREW, and SIR TOBY BELCH

SIR ANDREW

Now, sir, have I met you again? there's for you.

SEBASTIAN

Why, there's for thee, and there, and there. Are all
the people mad?


SIR TOBY BELCH

Come on, sir; hold.

SIR ANDREW

Nay, let him alone: I'll go another way to work
with him; I'll have an action of battery against
him, if there be any law in Illyria: though I
struck him first, yet it's no matter for that.

SEBASTIAN

Let go thy hand.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young
soldier, put up your iron:; come on.

SEBASTIAN

I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now? If
thou darest tempt me further, draw thy sword.

SIR TOBY BELCH

What, what? Nay, then I must have blood from you.

Enter OLIVIA

OLIVIA

Hold, Toby; on thy life I charge thee, hold!

SIR TOBY BELCH

Madam!

OLIVIA

Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,
Be not offended, dear Cesario.
Rudesby, be gone!

Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW

I prithee, gentle friend,
go with me to my house,
And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby
Mayst smile at this.

SEBASTIAN

What relish is in this? how runs the stream?
Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:
Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;
If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!

OLIVIA

Nay, come, I prithee; would thou'ldst be ruled by me!

SEBASTIAN

Madam, I will.

OLIVIA

O, say so, and so be!

Exeunt


SCENE II. OLIVIA's house.


Clown

[Singing]
'Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
Tell me how thy lady does.'

MALVOLIO

Fool!

Clown

'My lady is unkind, perdy.'

MALVOLIO

Fool!

Clown

'Alas, why is she so?'

MALVOLIO

Fool, I say!

Clown

'She loves another'--Who calls, ha?

MALVOLIO

Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my
hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink and paper:
as I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to
thee for't.

Clown

Master Malvolio?

MALVOLIO

Ay, good fool.

Clown

Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?

MALVOLIO

Fool, there was never a man so notoriously abused: I
am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.

Clown

But as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be no
better in your wits than a fool.

MALVOLIO

They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness,
send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to
face me out of my wits.

Clown

Advise you what you say and leave thy vain
bibble babble.

MALVOLIO

Good fool, help me to some light and some paper: I
tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.

Clown

Well-a-day that you were, sir

MALVOLIO

By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper and
light; and convey what I will set down to my lady:
it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing
of letter did.

Clown

I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you
not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?

MALVOLIO

Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true.

Clown

Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his
brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.

MALVOLIO

Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I
prithee, be gone.

Clown

[Singing]
I am gone, sir,
And anon, sir,
I'll be with you again,
In a trice,
Like to the old Vice,
Your need to sustain;
Who, with dagger of lath,
In his rage and his wrath,
Cries, ah, ha! to the devil:
Like a mad lad,
Pare thy nails, dad;
Adieu, good man devil.

Exit


SCENE III. OLIVIA's garden.


Enter SEBASTIAN
SEBASTIAN

This is the air; that is the glorious sun;
This pearl she gave me, Yet 'tis not madness.
Where's Antonio, then?
I could not find him at the Elephant:
He did range the town to seek me out.
His counsel now might do me golden service;
But here the lady comes.

Enter OLIVIA and Priest

OLIVIA

Blame not this haste of mine. If you mean well,
Now go with me and with this holy man
Into the chantry by: there, before him,
 What do you say?

SEBASTIAN

I'll follow this good man, and go with you;
And, having sworn truth, ever will be true.

OLIVIA

Then lead the way, good father; and heavens so shine,
That they may fairly note this act of mine!

Exeunt


ACT V

SCENE I. Before OLIVIA's house.


Enter Clown

Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, CURIO, and Lords

DUKE ORSINO

Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friend?

Clown

Ay, sir; I am one of her trappings.

DUKE ORSINO

I know thee well; how dost thou, my good fellow?

Clown

Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse
for my friends.


DUKE ORSINO

Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there's gold.

Clown

But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would
you could make it another.

DUKE ORSINO

Well, I will be so much a sinner, to be a
double-dealer: there's another.

Clown

Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old
saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex,
sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of
Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three.

DUKE ORSINO

You can fool no more money out of me at this throw:
if you will let your lady know I am here to speak
with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake
my bounty further.

Clown

Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come
again.

Exit

VIOLA

Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.

Enter ANTONIO and Officers

DUKE ORSINO

That face of his I do remember well;
Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd in the smoke of war:
What's the matter?

First Officer

Orsino, this is that Antonio
That did the Tiger board,
When your young nephew Titus lost his leg:
Here in the streets did we apprehend him.

VIOLA

He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side;
But in conclusion put strange speech upon me:
I know not what 'twas but distraction.

DUKE ORSINO

Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief!
What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies?

ANTONIO

Orsino, noble sir,
Be pleased that I shake off these names you give me:
Antonio never yet was thief or pirate,
A witchcraft drew me hither:
That most ingrateful boy there by your side,
From the rude sea's enraged and foamy mouth
Did I redeem; a wreck past hope he was:
His life I gave him while he denied me mine own purse,
Which I had recommended to his use
Not half an hour before.

VIOLA

How can this be?

DUKE ORSINO

When came he to this town?

ANTONIO

To-day, my lord; and for three months before did we keep company.

Enter OLIVIA and Attendants

DUKE ORSINO

Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth.
But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness:
Three months this youth hath tended upon me;
But more of that anon. Take him aside.

OLIVIA

What would my lord, but that he may not have?
Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.

VIOLA

Madam!

DUKE ORSINO

Gracious Olivia,--

OLIVIA

What do you say, Cesario? Good my lord,--

VIOLA

My lord would speak; my duty hushes me.

OLIVIA

If it be aught to the old tune, my lord,
It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear
As howling after music.

DUKE ORSINO

Still so cruel?

OLIVIA

Still so constant, lord.

DUKE ORSINO

What shall I do?

OLIVIA

Even what it please my lord, that shall become him.

DUKE ORSINO

Why should I not, had I the heart to do it,
Like to the Egyptian thief at point of death,
Kill what I love?
I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love,
To spite a raven's heart within a dove.

VIOLA

And I, most jocund, apt and willingly,
To do you rest, a thousand deaths would die.

OLIVIA

Where goes Cesario?

VIOLA

After him I love
More than I love these eyes, more than my life,
More, by all mores, than e'er I shall love wife!

OLIVIA

Ay me, detested! how am I beguiled!

VIOLA

Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?

OLIVIA

Hast thou forgot thyself? is it so long?
Call forth the holy father.

DUKE ORSINO

Come, away!

OLIVIA

Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.

DUKE ORSINO

Husband!

OLIVIA

Ay, husband: can he that deny?

DUKE ORSINO

Her husband, sirrah!

VIOLA

No, my lord, not I.

OLIVIA

Fear not, Cesario; take thy fortunes up;

Enter Priest
O, welcome, father!
Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence,
Here to unfold what hath newly pass'd between this youth and me.

Priest

A contract of eternal bond of love,
Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands,
And all the ceremony of this compact
Seal'd in my function, by my testimony:

DUKE ORSINO

O thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be
When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case?
Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet
Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.

VIOLA

My lord, I do protest--

OLIVIA

O, do not swear!
Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear.

Enter SIR ANDREW

SIR ANDREW

For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one presently
to Sir Toby.

OLIVIA

What's the matter?

SIR ANDREW

He has broke my head across and has given Sir Toby
a bloody coxcomb too: for the love of God, your
help!

OLIVIA

Who has done this, Sir Andrew?

SIR ANDREW

The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for
a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate.

DUKE ORSINO

My gentleman, Cesario?

SIR ANDREW

'Od's lifelings, here he is! You broke my head for
nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't
by Sir Toby.

VIOLA

Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you:
You drew your sword upon me without cause;
But I bespoke you fair, and hurt you not.

SIR ANDREW

If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me: I
think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and Clown
Here comes Sir Toby halting; you shall hear more:

DUKE ORSINO

How now, gentleman! how is't with you?

SIR TOBY BELCH

That's all one: has hurt me, and there's the end
on't.

OLIVIA

Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them?
Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to.

Exeunt Clown, SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW

Enter SEBASTIAN

SEBASTIAN

I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman:
But, had it been the brother of my blood,
I must have done no less with wit and safety.
You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that
I do perceive it hath offended you:
Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows
We made each other but so late ago.

DUKE ORSINO

One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons,
A natural perspective, that is and is not!

SEBASTIAN

Antonio, O my dear Antonio!
How have the hours rack'd and tortured me,
Since I have lost thee!

ANTONIO

Sebastian are you?

SEBASTIAN

Fear'st thou that, Antonio?

ANTONIO

How have you made division of yourself?
An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin
Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?

OLIVIA

Most wonderful!

SEBASTIAN

Do I stand there? I never had a brother;
Nor can there be that deity in my nature,
Of here and every where. I had a sister,
Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd.

VIOLA

Such a Sebastian was my brother too,
So went he suited to his watery tomb:
If spirits can assume both form and suit
You come to fright us.

SEBASTIAN

A spirit I am indeed;
But I should say 'Thrice-welcome, drowned Viola!'

VIOLA

Do not embrace me till each circumstance
Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump
That I am Viola: which to confirm,
I'll bring you to a captain in this town,
by whose gentle help
I was preserved to serve this noble count..

SEBASTIAN

[To OLIVIA] So comes it, lady, you have been mistook:
You would have been contracted to a maid;
Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived,
You are betroth'd both to a maid and man.

DUKE ORSINO

Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.
If this be so, as yet the glass seems true,
I shall have share in this most happy wreck.

To VIOLA
Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times
Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.

VIOLA

And all those sayings will I keep true..

DUKE ORSINO

Give me thy hand;
And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds.

VIOLA

The captain that did bring me first on shore
Hath my maid's garments: .

OLIVIA

Now fetch Malvolio hither:
And yet, alas, now I remember me,
They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract.

Re-enter Clown with a letter
How does he, sirrah?

Clown

Truly, madam, he has here writ a
letter to you; I should have given't you to-day
morning.

OLIVIA

Open't, and read it.

Clown

Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers
the madman.

Reads
By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the
world shall know it: though you have put me into
darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over
me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as
your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced
me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt
not but to do myself much right, or you much shame.
Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little
unthought of and speak out of my injury.
THE MADLY-USED MALVOLIO.'

OLIVIA

Did he write this?

Clown

Ay, madam.

DUKE ORSINO

This savours not much of distraction.

OLIVIA

See him deliver'd,  bring him hither.
My lord so please you, these things further
thought on,
To think me as well a sister as a wife,
One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you,
Here at my house and at my proper cost.

DUKE ORSINO

Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.

To VIOLA
Your master quits you; and for your service done him,
Here is my hand: you shall from this time be
Your master's mistress.

OLIVIA

A sister! you are she.

Re-enter Clown, with MALVOLIO

DUKE ORSINO

Is this the madman?

OLIVIA

Ay, my lord, this same.
How now, Malvolio!

MALVOLIO

Madam, you have done me wrong,
Notorious wrong.

OLIVIA

Have I, Malvolio? no.

MALVOLIO

Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter.
You must not now deny it is your hand:
Why have you suffer'd me to be imprison'd,
Kept in a dark house tell me why.

OLIVIA

Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,
Though, I confess, much like the character
But out of question 'tis Maria's hand.
Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!

Clown

Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness,
and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was
one, sir, in this interlude; thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.

MALVOLIO

I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you.

Exit

OLIVIA

He hath been most notoriously abused.

DUKE ORSINO

Pursue him and entreat him to a peace:
Cesario, come;
For so you shall be, while you are a man;
But when in other habits you are seen,
Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.

Exeunt all, except Clown

Clown

[Sings]
When that I was and a little tiny boy,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
A foolish thing was but a toy,
For the rain it raineth every day.
But when I came to man's estate,
With hey, ho, & c.
'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,
For the rain, & c.
But when I came, alas! to wive,
With hey, ho, & c.
By swaggering could I never thrive,
For the rain, & c.
But when I came unto my beds,
With hey, ho, & c.
With toss-pots still had drunken heads,
For the rain, & c.
A great while ago the world begun,
With hey, ho, & c.
But that's all one, our play is done,
And we'll strive to please you every day.

Exit