by Terry Nation
Adapted by Stephen Wass
For information about performing this play please contact email@example.com
SONG: REBECCA'S WORLD
Rebecca's Mother: [ Voice off] Go upstairs and play in your room.
Rebecca: [She walks along arms outstretched eyes closed. Knocks over
table] It's not fair, I bet I'll be blamed for that.
Rebecca's Mother: Don't touch your father's telescope!
[Rebecca touches telescope, there is a sound of rushing, wind and she
is transported to another world!]
SONG: TRAVELLING GIRL
[The telescope spins round to reveal the Professor]
Wretched child, horrible, nasty, wicked, interfering child. Ooohh ....
I hate children, especially those who ruin our experiments and who are
taller than me.
Rebecca: I'm sorry I'm taller than you but I can't help it, I'll kneel
down if it makes you feel any better.
As for ruining your experiment, I don't see how T could have, I've only
just arrived, as far as I can tell.
Of course you've only just arrived, you repellent, loathsome horror,
you've traveled along our transmitter beam and you had no right to. The
beam is supposed to send people to other planets, not to bring them
Rebecca: Well I'm sorry.
Professor: That's all
very well but we can't send you back. The beam is all topsy-turvy. It
may take us weeks, months, years to get it right. Do you think we'd
keep a horrid, odious abominable child here for a moment longer than we
Rebecca: Do you mean I can't go home?
That's exactly what I mean. You're stuck here ....... ha, ha you're
going to cry, there's nothing I like more than a really unhappy child.
The sadder you are, the funnier it gets. Ha, ha, ha .
SONG: I HATE CHILDREN
[Professor starts to dance, Rebecca laughs]
like a child. The moment I start to enjoy myself you go and spoil it by
being cheerful. We're going to work night and day to get our
transmitter beam working properly and the minute it is we're going to
send you back where you came from.
Rebecca: Well that will be fine by me.
Professor: Well you can't hang around here, come back in a week and see
how I'm getting on.
Rebecca: How do I get out?
Professor: Walk up to the door you preposterous, pitiful person.
Rebecca: Well, here goes. This is a very peculiar world.
Rebecca: It's like being inside a ball of candy floss. [Hears moans and
I'll be brave. [Turns to run, bumps into Grisby]
Grisby: Why can't you look where you're going?
Rebecca: I'm very sorry, I was running away from
Grisby: Umm People do. They say I depress them.
Rebecca: I like your coat.
Thank you, it's past it's best though. It was brown when I got it, but
it's got a bit mildewed. It's the fog that does it.
Rebecca: Is there something wrong with your
Something wrong with my feet? You may well ask. You may well
if there's something wrong with my feet.
Rebecca: All right, is there something wrong with
Those feet are the most painful feet in the entire Universe.
Concentrated into those two extremities is a massive quantity of pure
undiluted agony. Those feet are the sorest pair of
throbbers in the entire history of feet. Would you like to see
Rebecca: No thank you, it's very kind of you to
offer though .
I don't blame you, I only look at them myself when I'm forced to.
Between them they have every foot ailment known to science.
Verrucae, Bunions, Fallen Arches,
Gout, In-growing and out-growing toenails and some things the doctors
haven't found names for yet. Yes they're throbbers, real little
throbbers. By the way my name is Grisby.
Rebecca: I'm Rebecca or Becky or sometimes just
Beck, whichever you prefer.
Grisby: Going anywhere special?
Rebecca: Nowhere in particular.
Grisby: Oh good that's where I'm going too. I'll
limp along with you.
SONG: THE FOOT SONG
[A siren sounds]
Rebecca: What is it?
[Enter ghosts from front sides.]
Grisby: The Ghost warning, come on run for your
Rebecca: What are we running away
Grisby: The ghosts, horrible evil monsters. If they catch us they'll
take us away and do wicked things to us. Here they come.
[Grisby runs for shelter, Rebecca follows but is shut out.]
Rebecca: Let me in. Please let me in. P1ease .... please Grisby. Let me
[The ghosts close in]
Captain K: Zarroooooooo! Thwack! Bammo! fear not small, innocent
trembling child. Captain K will save you. Splatt
[The ghosts are driven away] Pow! Zap! Zonk! Kerchow!
Once more the forces of evil have been vanquished.
Rebecca: You saved me from goodness knows what. Thank you.
K: Don't mention it. It is my sworn duty to champion the weak and
oppressed. To protect the innocent and fight for all that is good and
Rebecca: My name is Rebecca. How do you do?
K: I am the foerless fee I mean the fearless foe of all that is wicked.
I have dedicated my titanic strength to the leeing of this frand .....
.I mean the freeing of this land ... from the tyranny of the ghosts.
Rebecca: What's you name?
Captain K: People call me Captain K.
Rebecca: You say people CALL you Captain K. but what's your real name?
Captain K: You'll laugh if I tell you.
Rebecca: No I won't.
Captain K: Well you mustn't tell anybody, but my name is ..... Kitty
Captain K: I knew you'd do that Everybody does. It's very hard to be a
hero with a name like Kitty.
Rebecca: You don't look like a Kitty. Let's pretend you didn't tell me
your name. I'll always call you Captain K.
SONG: CAPTAIN K
Captain K: Come along, friend. Let's tell the people in the GHOST
shelter that the danger is past.
[As Grisby and Kovak leave the shelter they give money to Mr. Glister
who is flanked by servants: Lurk and Cringer.]
Rebecca: Who is that?
K: That is Mister Glister. A cruel, wicked and heartless monster. He
exploits the peek and the woor, I mean the weak and the poor. He is an
all round bad egg. He is my avowed enemy.
Glister: Hello Kitty. How is the do gooding business? I'm
willing to buy your GHOST stick from you. Just name your price.
Captain K: I'll never sell this. It will never leave my side
until your power is broken forever.
Glister: Tell you what I'll do, I'll give you your weight in Diamonds,
throw in a ton or so of Gold, and just for good measure a bucket of
assorted Rubies and Pearls. Emeralds too if you like.
[Captain K shakes his head.]
pal, have it your way. I've not seen you before young lady. Come to tea
this afternoon and tell me about yourself. About four o'clock.
Rebecca: Thank you. I'd like that very much. In fact I'm quite hungry.
[Exit Glister, Lurk and Cringed
Grisby: This is Kovak.
Rebecca: Why do you wear that?
Kovak: I'm a spy. I'm known as the master of disguise the man of a
Captain K: All of them embarrassingly alike.
Kovak: Watch this. [Changes disguise] What about that?
Rebecca: Very good.
Everybody says that. I even fool myself. Only yesterday the phone rang.
I picked it up and somebody asked for me. I looked in the mirror,
didn't recognise myself and told them I was out.
Rebecca: That's very interesting. Who do you spy for?
Kovak: To tell you the truth I'm unemployed at the moment. You don't
happen to know anybody who wants a spy, do you?
Rebecca: No I don't.
SONG: POCKETS, POCKETS, POCKETS
Rebecca: [Looking round] Why aren't there any trees in this world?
K: Years and years ago this planet was virtually one great forest. A
forest of the most beautiful trees you ever saw. They were tall and
graceful. Their leaves had a thousand colours and glittered like
humming birds, and at night they glowed with warm gentle light. The
scent from their blossoms … [Overcome with emotion]
Grisby: [Picking up the story] Then the Glister family discovered how
to make glass.
Rebecca: I don't see the connection.
Well, they needed great furnaces to melt the special minerals and the
only way they could keep them fired was with wood from the trees.
Everybody wanted things made from glass. I tell you, when I was a lad
and my feet were young this land rang with the sound of axe and saw.
Day and night. It wasn't long before nearly all the trees were gone and
this city had taken the place of the forests.
Fathers and Grandfathers, and Great Grandfathers and even the Fathers
before them, had always called them Ghost trees. Nobody knew why. Of
course when we found out why it was too late.
Rebecca: Found out what?
K: We found out that the scent from the trees, in fact everything about
the trees was what kept the Ghosts away. When they were nearly all cut
down the Ghosts had nothing to keep them back, and they invaded.
Grisby: They're horrible. They kidnap people and turn them into Ghosts
The Glister family saw another chance of making a fortune. They had the
last remaining trees cut down and sawn into planks. Then they built the
Ghost shelters. People are safe inside the walls made of Ghost wood. Of
course there's only young Mister Glister left now. He owns everything
.... everything and everybody really. He charges us to go into the
Ghost shelter and then he charges double to let us out...Apart from the
Ghost shelter that's the last remaining piece of Ghost wood in this
Rebecca: That's why the Ghosts were so frightened when you attacked
them with it.
Captain K: It's not much but it's all I've got. But I can't be
everywhere at once.
Rebecca: That's terrible, isn't there anything anyone can do?
K: The Ghosts get stronger and Mister Glister gets richer. But even he
daren't walk about when there's a Ghost raid. That's why he'd pay
almost anything to buy my stick.
Grisby: Tell her the legend.
There's an old story that somewhere, on a island in the middle of a
lake, grows the last remaining Ghost tree on this world. The Ghosts are
supposed to know where it is. Of course they can't get near it to
destroy it because if they touch it they dissolve. So instead they keep
a ring of guards around it day and night.
Captain K: If it did exist and we could find it, we could make enough
Ghost swords to protect ourselves. And then we'd be safe.
Rebecca: Doesn't anybody have any idea where the tree might be?
Grisby: They do say Mister
Glister's got a map.
Rebecca: Then why hasn't he
gone to find the tree?
Well, they do say it's written in the form of a riddle. A code he can't
understand. They do say he keeps the map in a big glass case in his
house. Every night he sits there looking at it trying to understand it.
That's what they say anyway. Ouch. Sorry about
Bunion gave a little jab. Always does at tea time. Better than a watch
my Bunion is.
Goodness, four o'clock, I'm due at Mister Glister's for
Captain K: You've not far to
go. That's the Glister palace.
What if I get a chance to see the map? I could memorise what it says
and perhaps we could work out what it
K: In the first place we don't
know for sure
that it exists, and in the third place, even if you did get a glance at
it you'd never be able to remember everything it
Rebecca: What happened to the
K: Mmmm? Oh .... oh well, I was
never very good
Rebecca: [To Kovak ] You're a
Kovak: Of course. My name is in
the Yellow Pages under
Rebecca: Then you must have a
camera. Spies always do.
Naturally I have a camera, I have all the latest modern equipment. [He
starts to search for it] Why is it when you want something it's always
in the last pocket you look in?
Rebecca: It's the last pocket because when you've found what you want
you don't look in any more.
[Kovak gives Rebecca the camera.]
All right, if I see the map I'll try and take a picture of it. You wait
here for me, I'll be back as soon as I can.
Captain K: You be careful.
Kovak: It could be dangerous.
Grisby: Don't take any chances.
[Rebecca leaves, the others settle down on a bench to wait]
[Rebecca knocks on the door to Glister Palace]
Lurk: Good afternoon Madam. Be so good as to step inside. Mister
Glister is expecting Madam.
Rebecca: [Looking around] Golly Golly.
Lurk: If Madam would be kind enough to follow us, Mister Glister
The house is filled with all kinds of burglar alarms. One step in the
wrong direction will set them off. So please, walk only where we walk
and do only as we do.
[Rebecca follows them through a complicated sequence of movements.]
Captain K: What's the time?
Kovak: July the twentieth. It only tells the date, the hands fell off.
Grisby: I wonder if she's alright?
Captain K: Of course she's alright. What's the time now?
Kovak: August the eighth. I'm never sure whether time passes quickly or
whether there's something wrong with my watch.
Captain K: Well, if she's not out of there by October the 31st we're
going to get her.
SONG: MR. GLISTER [Glister makes big entry]
Glister: You see, people misunderstand me. They think I’m cruel and
miserly. They think I take their money and keep them poor because I
hate them. It's just not true. I LOVE poor people. Poor people make me
feel rich. And when I feel rich, love gushes out of me like a fountain.
So it's my duty to make everybody poor, and they can all share my love.
I have a dream. Call me silly and sentimental if you like but one day,
I hope that everybody in this world will be penniless, hungry and in
rags. With poverty on that scale, I could love them all.... [Pauses for
effect] .... I've dedicated my life to making people poor. But it's not
[Glister walks over to Rebecca]
Rebecca: Oh, that's a very nice suit.
Captain K: What's the time?
Kovak: October the fifth
Captain-K: Getting close to zero hour. Now has anyone got a hairpin?
Grisby: This is no time to worry about your hair.
Captain K: I need it to pick the lock on the front door.
Kovak: No need for that. I have a skeleton key somewhere. [He feels
around and brings out a film]
Captain K: What's that?
Kovak: [Gulps] It's the film. I forgot to load it. Rebecca's using an
Thank you for a lovely tea. I've very much enjoyed talking to you and I
hope we meet again. Now it's getting late and I must be going ......
Excuse me. [Rebecca gets up to leave.]
Mr. Glister: I'm afraid
you're going to have to stay here for a little while. You see your
friend Captain K has something that I very much want.
Rebecca: His Ghost stick.
Glister: Exactly. He won't sell it to me no matter how much I offer
him. Now I think he might give it to me. Not to put too fine a point on
it you have just been kidnapped. The ransom, the price for your
release, is the Ghost stick. Captain K. is a sentimental fool and will
have no hesitation in handing it over in exchange for you Take her to
[Lurk and Cringer grab Rebecca, she shakes them
off and tries to take a photograph. They chase her round the table
which she upsets in their path. They fall over then she advances on
Glister. They creep up behind and grab her again.]
To the dungeon!
Captain K: [Bursting in followed by the others]Kerpow Zammie Whammo .
Grisby: [To his feet] Charge!!.. .... You heard what I said. CHARGE.
[They push over Lurk and Cringer and frighten Glister away, then make
their escape trying not to trip the alarms.]
Rebecca: Why are we doing this?
Captain K: We have to, or we'll set off the alarms.
Rebecca: It's too late now. What does it matter?
Captain K: You're right.
[They run, alarms go off]
Mister Glister: Switch it off!
Cringer: [Glister kicks Cringer] Thank you sir.
Glister: I am very very angry. I will never rest until I have my
revenge. Prepare for an expedition at once. That child Rebecca will pay
Rebecca: It's alright we can stop now. Well I managed it, I took some
photographs of the map. Can you develop the pictures? ...
...... Well, can you develop the film or do we have to take it to the
Captain K: Tell her.
Rebecca: What did you say?
Kovak: A little oversight. Could happen to anyone.
Captain K: What he's trying to tell you is that he forgot to put the
film in the camera.
Rebecca: Well that's that. We'll never get another chance to see the
map. We'll never find the Ghost tree now.
Grisby: I've got something for you. [Pulls out the map]
Rebecca: How did you get it?
Grisby: I saw it lying amongst all the broken glass in Glister Palace.
I thought it might come in handy. It was nothing.
Rebecca: [Looking hard at map] I don't understand it.
ALL: Neither do we.
Rebecca: Then we're no better off than when we started.
[Lurk and Cringer are clearing up the mess]
Mr. Glister: T ...... T ..... They must have taken it. If they ever
decipher it's secret I'm rrrrr…uined.
Lurk/Cringer: [ Glister knocks their heads together.] Thank you Sir.
Mister Glister: Ready or not we're going. The hunt for Rebecca starts
I think that this is one of those treasure maps that you have to solve
a bit at a time. What I mean is that you solve the first clue and go to
the place it tells you. When you get there you'll see or find something
that will help you solve the next clue.
“Go to the nest of the Splinter bird,
Climb to it's eerie on high
Look through the eye of the needle
Find the feather well hidden close by”
What's a Splinter bird?
What WAS a Splinter bird. They're extinct. Died out completely when the
forests were cut down. There's a drawing of them somewhere in my bird
Grisby: Lovely little birds they were. Sort of purple
colour. If you ever got a splinter in your finger, all you'd do was
shout "Splinter Bird" and one of them would fly down and pull the
[They see a ghost holding a signpost saying "To the Forbidden lands".]
Rebecca: What's the matter?
Captain K: The Forbidden Lands. It's a terribly dangerous place. Full
of fears and terrors. Nobody ever goes there.
Well, we're going there. It's the only way to find the last Ghost tree
. I'm ashamed of you all. Captain K, you're supposed to be a hero, and
heroes aren't afraid of anything.
Captain K: Well I'm a different sort of hero. I'm afraid of practically
Rebecca: In that case I'll go on my own. Which way are the Forbidden
Rebecca: Whatever happens, I mustn't close my eyes. I must stay awake
[Rebecca falls asleep, the others creep in and touch her on the
shoulder waking her up.]
Grisby: We, we had a little talk.
Kovak: We decided we were being a bit.. .......
Captain K: Cowardly.
[They settle down with her. Grisby pulls his coat more tightly around
Grisby: Never know when you'll need an extra fur coat. I've got two
more under this.
[Glister enters with servants carrying mass of luggage. he sits down on
camp stool while they fuss around him.]
Glister: Rebecca's to blame. It's her fault I'm having to rough it. The
hardship. The privation. The suffering. I'll make her regret the misery
she's brought me.
[Morning arrives, they start to wake up and stretch.]
Kovak: There's an opening. Over to the right a bit. A sort of canyon.
I like getting up early, because if I wake before my feet and move very
quietly, they sometimes stay asleep for a few more hours ...... and
don't hurt me.
Captain K: [Looking round spies Glister's camp
waking.] Kerplatt! Shazzam! Splatt and triple Splatt!, Cunder gover
.... I mean - under cover. Quickly.
Mister Glister: Can you see them?
Lurk: [Looking through binoculars.] They're just entering the canyon.
Glister: [Grabbing binoculars.] Yes, I see them. I'll change into
something more suitable and we'll strike camp immediately.
[They fumble with the luggage, Glister cuffs them.]
Cringer: Much obliged
Lurk: Most grateful.
Mister Glister: Always best to travel light on a mission like this.
Captain K: Do you think it's much further?
How should I know? I don't even know where we're going .... .I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to snap at you. Perhaps we'll all feel better if we have
a little rest.
[They settle down for a breather, the Scare People enter, at first
un-noticed, then Rebecca spots them.]
Oh dear… What are they?
Captain K: Scare people.
Rebecca: I have a plan.
Grisby: What is it?
Captain K: That way.
Kovak: Come on, come on.
[They try and escape through a crack in the rock, Grisby goes first but
Rebecca: Give him a shove .......... Climb over his head and pull from
the other side.
Kovak: Right. Push
Ow! That's all I needed. It's not enough to have the most painful feet
in the Universe. Now I've got the most painful ears.
Scare People cannot get into the crack, they stamp off in frustration.
Rebecca and her friends emerge from the other side and look up in
Grisby: It looks like something out of a giant's sewing box.
Rebecca: That's it. Grisby, you're a genius.
Grisby: Yes, I suppose I am. But if I'm a genius, why don't I know what
I'm talking about?
You've solved the first clue. Remember? Go to the nest of the Splinter
Bird, climb to it's eerie on high, look through the eye of the needle
........ THE NEEDLE. ......... That's the NEEDLE. You gave me the idea
when you said "giant's sewing box". Now we're really getting somewhere.
All we have to do is climb to the top.
[Grisby, Kovak and Captain K collapse at the thought.]
Lurk: They've escaped through a cave. The entrance is blocked. Cringer
is trying to clear an opening, Sir.
Mister Glister: We'll go to help him at once.
Lurk: It's a long hard trail, Sir. Difficult, rough ground. Very
Mister Glister: Yes, a journey like that must be very tiring so you'd
better carry me.
[They are climbing up a vertical rock face.]
Have you noticed the little holes in the rock all the way up? They're
full of dry grass and moss. I think Splinter birds used to nest in
Rebecca: That's even more proof we're on the right track. The riddle
said "Go to the nest of the Splinter bird".
Kovak: [Reaching into one of the holes] Look, Splinter bird's eggs.
Rebecca: They're beautiful.
Grisby: Sad. Just left in the nest all those years ago.
Rebecca: Would it be alright if I kept them?
Captain K: Don't see why not. They'll never hatch out now.
We'd better start climbing again. If we hurry, we'll be able to shelter
in the big hole at the top. The Eye of the Needle.
[Rebecca slips and almost falls off.] Arrgh!
[Grisby catches her.]
Grisby: It's alright. You're safe now. Just put your foot out and find
another toe hold.
Never mind Sir. We've got them trapped now. They can't stay up there
for ever. All we've got to do is sit here and wait.
Mister Glister: Precisely. There is no possible way they can escape
[Rebecca and friends climb on stage as if appearing through the eye of
Rebecca: What were the words of the riddle again? Look through the Eye
of the Needle, find the Feather well hidden close by.
Others: Of course ...... The Feather well
[They look forward, see they are standing on the edge of a pit and
overbalance and fall in.]
[They land in a heap and dust themselves off.]
Rebecca: We've been to the Eye of the Needle ..... come down the
Feather well. now the next bit is here .......
the cave of the Silkies, it takes courage for this as you'll see. Seek
out the Tongue Twister Monster, Pass him and you're nearer the tree.
Captain K: Well, this must be the Cave of the Silkies. But I can't see
why it takes courage to cross it.
Grisby: Look's safe enough. Bet it will hurt my feet.
Grisby: Everything does.
[Silkies appear, flying round and wrapping them up in sticky silk.]
Kovak: Let's get out of here… fast.
find themselves stuck to the ground. Kovak desperately searches his
pockets for something that is useful and pulls out a box of matches.]
Rebecca: Strike one.
[Kovak repeatedly strikes matches scaring the Silkies off.]
Kovak: It's the last match. Give me something to light.
Captain K: [Handing him the ghost stick.] Light it.
Rebecca: You can't burn the Ghost stick.
Captain K: Light it. It's our only chance ...... hurry .....
[Kovak lights the ghost stick, it burns so brightly it drives the
Silkies away and frees them from the sticky silk.]
Rebecca: I'm very sorry.
Captain K: It belonged to my father.
Grisby: It saved our lives.
Kovak: Well, when we find the Ghost tree you'll be able to cut another
Captain K: I'm beginning to think we'll never find it.
Rebecca: Well there's nothing frightening about this room.
[Mister Glister is looking up, his neck is stuck.] Nearly tea-time Sir.
Would you like me to drop some bread and jam into your mouth?
Mister Glister: Just get my head straight.
[Lurk and Cringer take great pleasure in straightening his neck.]
Kovak: Looks safe enough.
[A noise like a giant vacuum cleaner, they are pulled by the wind.]
Rebecca: What's happening?
Grisby: I think we're being sucked along the tube of a giant vacuum
[They spin along and are dumped in a heap on the floor. Enter the
Tongue Twister Monster's Slaves.]
Rebecca: Look out.
T.T. slaves: Crum wif uth.
Rebecca: Did you say "come with us"?
[They are thrown into a prison lined with books.]
Grisby: You could learn anything you wanted to know from all these
books ...... What are you looking for?
Kovak: A book that tells us how to get out of here.
[The Monster's mouth appears at the door.]
T.T. Monster: Well, well, well. Always nice to welcome new slaves.
T.T. Monster: Right. If you don't pass the tests, you stay here and
work for me for the rest of your lives.
Rebecca: You're the Tongue Twister Monster.
Monster: Right again. You might have noticed that the slaves who
brought you here have some difficulty in speaking. That's because they
spend their lives trying to invent new tongue twisters that I won't be
able to say. They never succeed of course.
Grisby: Er ...... what is a tongue twister?
Monster: A tongue twister is a group of words that is extremely
difficult to say. You have to repeat the words three times quickly.
I'll give you an example. You .. The one in the baggy red suit. I'll
give you an easy one to start with. Say "Peggy Babcock" three times
Captain K: Peggy Babcock ... Pebby Badcock .... Peppy Cabdock.
T.T. Monster: Failed. Now you in the fur coat. Try "Sheep sleep sweetly
in sheer silk sheets".
Grisby: Shweep sleet sleetly .in sheer shilk sheeps .
Sweep steet weedy in seer stilk sweets ..
Sheet sweep sleetly in sweer swilk sweets .
Not bad eh? Said it perfectly.
T.T. Monster: Rubbish. You in the dirty raincoat, say "Pop the salt pot
top on Poppy"
Kovak: [Carefully] Pop the salt pot top on Poppy.
T.T. Monster: Faster
Kovak: Pop the salt pot pop on Poppy .... pot the salt tot pop on
T.T. Monster: Dreadful. Now little girl let's see if we can find an
easy one for you. Try .... "Red leather yellow leather".
Rebecca: Red leather yellow leather...red rether yellow rether ... red
rether yerrow rether.
T.T. Monster: Not a hope.
Captain K: Does that mean we're your slaves?
Monster: No no no no. That was just a demonstration. You have to make
up a tongue twister that I can't say. If you do, I'll let you go. But I
warn you I'm superb.
Rebecca: [Aside] So would I be, with a mouth as big as yours.
T.T. Monster: No hurry. There are four of you so you get four chances.
Say: How the old bold owl hooted.
Rebecca: Say, how the old bold owl hooted.
T.T. Monster: How the old bold owl hooted ... How the old bold owl
hooted ... How the old bold owl hooted.
One chance gone. Three left.
I've got one. Oh dear, I can hardly say it slowly, never mind fast.
This one will have you. Say, green screen green scream.
T.T. Monster: Green screen grim scream ... Green screen grim scream ..
Green screen grim scream. Two down, two to go.
Captain K: Say, shall Sheila sell sea shells said the seal.
Monster: Shall Sheila sell sea shells said the seal. Shall Sheila sell
sea shells said the seal. Shall Sheila sell sea shells said the seal.
Rebecca: We need to find something really complicated.
Grisby: What's the point, he's too good for us. We'll all end up with
our tongues twisted like corkscrews.
Now this is our last chance, so just let me be sure I've got the rules
right. You have to repeat whatever I say three times very quickly,
exactly what I say, is that right?
T.T. Monster: Right.
Rebecca: Very well then, here we go ... say, we wonder which witch
washes watches for thirty three free thrush throttlers.
T.T. Monster: We wonder which witch washes ....
Rebecca: Wrong! You've got it wrong.
T.T. Monster: I never get it wrong, I'll do it again even faster ....
We wonder which witch ....
Wrong, wrong, wrong! You were supposed to say exactly what I said and
what I said was ..... say we wonder which witch washes .... You didn't
say 'say' at the beginning. We've won!
T.T. Monster: Cheating, that's cheating.
Captain K: No it's not, you made the rules and Rebecca just happened to
Kovak: We beat you, you promised you would let us go.
T.T. Monster: Never. You cheated and I'm not playing anymore. You can
stay locked in there for ever, so there.
[Everyone slumps in a corner except for Rebecca who starts sorting
through the books.]
Kovak: I know how to spell help if that's what you're looking
Rebecca: Pick out the biggest books and bring them here.
[They pile them up to climb on to to escape.]
Come on...... Come on....... Jump!
T.T. Monster: After them ......
Grisby: “Beware not to fall into bad habits,
It's easier than you know,
If you don't laugh at the Swardlewardle Creatures
You've not much further to go. “
Rebecca: We'll think about it in the morning.
settles down, Grisby fiddles with his boots, Kovak re-organises his
pockets and Captain K darns his tights. They then go to sleep but
Rebecca is restless, she notices a light.]
Rebecca: No, they need their sleep, I'll investigate first. If it's
anything interesting I'll come back and tell them.
[She comes across two kindly old folk sat in rocking chairs.]
Mrs. Bad Habit: Don't stand out there in the dark. Come on over and
make yourself comfortable.
Mr. Bad Habit: Come and sit down. Have a sweet. One little sweet won't
Rebecca: I suppose one is alright, thank you.
Mrs. Bad Habit.: No need to say thank you.
Little Bad Habit: Bite your nails for you miss?
Mr. Bad Habit: Sorry they haven't learned properly yet.
Mrs. Bad Habit: You're out very late, won't you be in trouble when you
Mr. Bad Habit: Well if you are, tell a little white lie, say you were
staying with friends.
Rebecca: [To herself] Little white lie ....... sounds more like a great
big black one to me.
Mr. Bad Habit: When I was a little boy I did not clean my teeth, I just
put toothpaste on my tongue to fool everyone.
Little Bad Habit: Bite your nails miss?
Rebecca: Biting nails is a very bad habit.. .. you're the Bad Habits!
Mrs. Bad Habit: Pity you found out. All Bad Habits come from here. We
train our little friends here to cheat, tell lies, steal.
Little Bad Habit.: Bite your nails. Lie. Steal. Cheat. That's the easy
[The Little Bad Habits try to grab Rebecca but she shakes them off and
Captain K: Kerpow ... splatt ... zowie [He leaps to his feet but falls
over.] Katchooooww ..
Grisby: What is it?
Captain K: It's my legs, they're paralysed. I can't walk
Rebecca: Does it hurt?
K: No, there's no pain but my legs are useless. You mustn't worry about
me. Leave me and go on with -the mission. I'll only be a burden to you.
Grisby: That's bravery, that's courage.
Goodbye old friend. I'll go proud in the knowledge that my comrades
have carried on the fight against tyranny and oppression that I, in my
small way, began. I-shall be with you in spirit, knowing that my life
is a small price to pay for the victory that you will win. [Rebecca
chokes] Don't cry child, be brave.
Rebecca: Lend me your penknife.
Grisby: Are you going to operate?
Rebecca: In a way.
Captain K: You're not going to use that dirty old penknife on me?
Rebecca: Now you’ll just have to be brave, grit your teeth, it should
not hurt much
[Rebecca saws between his knees.]
There now try and walk. Go on, walk.
Captain K: I'm cured, I'm cured.
Rebecca: You'd darned the legs of your tights together.
[Glister, Lurk and Cringer waking up find themselves surrounded by
Lurk: We'll never get out of here alive.
Cringer: They'll kill us for sure.
Glister: Be silent I'm trying to concentrate. Nature has endowed me
with all the finest qualities a man can have. I am a splendid liar, a
marvelous cheat and a magnificent bully. Surely a man with all these
superb qualities can think of a way out of this!
Rebecca: Lets look at the map again.
Kovak: If you don't laugh at the Swardlewardle creatures, you've not
much further to go. I wonder what a Swardlewardle is?
[Enter the Swardlewardles.]
Captain K: They've got us trapped. [giggles]
Grisby: We'll never get past them. [chuckles]
Rebecca: Ha ha ha he he .... they're .. ho ho .. they're breathing
out... ha ha ha ha ha .. laughing gas.
Kovak: That's how they catch their victims. (giggle) They make them
helpless with laughter.
Rebecca: Think of something serious.
Kovak: A nice, old lady falling down and breaking her leg.
Captain K: A Sunday School Outing all getting food poisoning.
Grisby: A steamroller running over my feet.
[They instantly sober up and escape.]
and friends enter and sit down to rest once more, in a line facing the
audience, the Splinter Birds curl up hidden behind them. A cheeping
sound is heard.]
Rebecca: What's that?
Grisby: It's probably my feet playing up.
Kovak: It must be something in my pocket.
Captain K: [Catching sight of Splinter Birds.] Kerpow! Splat! Zowee?
It's a blinter spird, I mean a Splinter Bird.
[The birds fly around.]
Rebecca: They're beautiful. They must have hatched from eggs I kept in
[The birds dart around insistently.]
I think they want us to follow them.
[The ghost guard marches on to take up positions round the Ghost Tree.
Rebecca and friends enter and see the tree.]
Rebecca: Look .... it is the Ghost Tree!
K: It’s the ghost guard. They stay on the edge of the island because
they daren't go near the tree. But they make sure nobody else does
Kovak: How do you get past a solid wail of ghosts?
Rebecca: Somehow we've managed to get through all the other dangers.
We'll think of a way of getting through this.
[Glister, Lurk and Cringer enter and take up a position within the
circle of ghosts.]
Captain K: Down.
Glister: I have a plan. I know that none of you can go near the tree.
If you should just so much as touch it, it will destroy you. And yet
you must always keep it guarded. If Captain K could ever reach the
tree, he could make enough ghost wood weapons to drive you from this
world forever. I have reasons of my own for wanting the tree destroyed.
Rebecca: You certainly have.
Mister Glister: Here is my
proposition. You will release the three of us. In return, my servants
and I will cross to the island first thing in the morning and chop down
the ghost tree. We will saw it into logs and burn it until nothing but
ashes remain. You ghosts need never fear anything again. You will rule
this world completely. Forever!
Ghost Leader: It is agreed. You will begin as soon as the first sun
[Glister, Lurk and Cringer exit]
SONG:THE GHOST TREE
[Everyone settles down for the night but the Splinter Birds wake
Rebecca up and lead her away.]
[As morning breaks Grisby, Captain K and Kovak are arrested by the
ghosts and taken into the circle.]
Grisby: What are they going to do to us?
Kovak: Nothing very nice.
Captain K: One good thing. They didn't get Rebecca. Well, we mustn't
let them see we're afraid. Even if we are.
Ghost Leader: Bow. Bow! We are the victors! The supreme power of this
Rebecca: [Appearing with a bag of seeds] Oh no you're not.
Grisby: Go back Rebecca! Run for your life!
You're finished. [She scatters the seeds] These are ghost tree seeds.
They grow to full size in one day. By tomorrow morning this planet will
be covered in great forests of ghost trees.
[The ghosts are destroyed and are replaced by happy cheering crowds.]
knew there was no way of getting on to the island or stopping them
cutting down the tree. And then I remembered what Kovak told me about
the GHOST tree seeds.
Grisby: But how did you collect them?
I didn't. The Splinter Birds did. They flew back and forth to the
island all night. In the dark the ghosts couldn't see them picking the
seed pods. I cracked them open and emptied the seeds into the bag I'd
Captain K: That's marvelous.
[Over in a corner Lurk and Cringer are settling old scores.]
Lurk: You work for us now .
Cringer: You'd better get used to the idea
[They both kick him.]
Mister Glister: Thank you, gentlemen. Most kind of you, sirs. Very
[The Professor appears with the transmitter.]
Ah, there you are, you horrid little beast. We've been expecting you.
We think we have perfected the transmission beam that will return you
from whence you came. And good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. Now come
along. No time to waste, you nasty child.
Rebecca: I want to say goodbye to my friends.
Professor: No time for that, you gruesome little worm. Get inside.
[Rebecca climbs into the machine.]
All: Ten, nine, eight …
Rebecca: Are you sure it will work?
Professor: Not at all sure. I've not had time to test it.
All: Seven, six ...
Grisby / Kovak / Captain K: Goodbye, Rebecca
All: Five, four , three two, one, zero.
SONG: GOODBYE SONG
Grisby: Will she be home by now?
Professor: Who can say. We'll just have to wait and see.
WORDS TO THE SONGS
SONG: REBECCA’S WORLD
You can see Rebecca's world
It's the first bright star of evening
It sends Its beams
Across your dreams
And beckons you to come
You can reach Rebecca's world
If you are fond of dreaming
Just close your eyes
That you are halfway there
You don’t need a space machine
Just a wish
And a dream
Think about it very hard
You can make it your world too
When you find Rebecca's world
With your imagination
You'll see her there
With friends to share
So come with us tonight.
SONG: TRAVELLING GIRL
Pulled through a hole that is black as a mole
It goes all light, it’s so bright
Whirling through space we find what sort of place?
Curling and furling through the night
CHORUS: Rebecca’s World.
How do we get to Rebecca’s World?
How do we get to Rebecca’s World?
We’re going to take you there right now.
Lands with a bump and a mighty great thump
But still on two feet it’s alright
A circular room and its just like the moon
She looks around at the sight.
The dome is the home of a funny old gnome
With coloured sticking up hair
He’s dressed in a gown like a funny old clown
Rebecca she stands there and stares.
SONG: I HATE CHILDREN
Sticky fingers, dirty looks,
Jammy faces, tearing books,
Picking noses, smelly feet,
Growing bigger by each week.
CHORUS: Ooo Ah-oo, Ah-oo Ah-oo, Ah-oo
Ooo Ah-oo, Ah-oo Ah-oo, Ah-oo
My oh my I love it when,
All the ink squirts out their pen,
Oh what joy then when they cry,
But when they smile I wish they'd die.
Go away you rotten kid,
Of you now I'll soon be rid,
On the roof there is a door,
Out you go you horrid bore!
CHORUS x 2
SONG: BAD FEET
I’ve got bad feet, yes I've really bad feet
I limp round all the day
I'm sure they stink yes I sometimes think
My feet might rot away.
CHORUS: Bunions like onions,
Corns calluses and gout
Arches have fallen
Blisters red swollen
Toenails growing in and growing out.
When they start to throb
I moan and sob
They feel so hot and sore
The doctors say to me
Oh go away
We can’t help any more.
SONG: CAPTAIN K
Running down the alleyway.
Baggy suit ….
Don’t care if he don’t look cute
CHORUS: If his name is Kitty
It’s rather pretty
But it’s not a heroes name
So his friends all know
He’s the fearless foe
And they call him Captain K!
Stick in hand ….
Stopping feat throughout the land
Fear not child ….
Watch the ghosts run wild.
Once again the baddies flee
Strength and might ….
Oops, I’ve torn my tights.
SONG: POCKETS, POCKETS, POCKETS
I am the master of disguise
Just watch me change before your eyes.
I am a man of a thousand faces
Popping up in unexpected places
CHORUS: Pockets, pockets, pockets
I have got so many pockets
Wigs and noses, glasses, string
Knives and cameras, everything.
Pouches beards, moustaches, coats,
Patches, matches, inflatable boats,
Everything a spy should need
I’m prepared for any deed.
I am the best that you can buy
A super economic spy.
Have you got a job for me?
I’ll do it most efficiently.
Though I haven’t worked for ages
You’ll find me in the Yellow pages
K for Kovak at your service
Only trouble is I’m a little nervous.
SONG: MISTER GLISTER
I’m Mister Glister girls
Come see my gorgeous curls
I’m dressed up all in pearls
I’ve got the money.
I love to make folks poor
I must have more and more
I’m gonna make quite sure
I’ve got the money.
I want that wooden stick
I’ll get it by some trick
I’ll make the Captain sick
With all my money.
I’ve got a lot of class
I built this town of glass
I’m happy when I’m taking
All your money.
SONG: THE GHOST TREE
1. Long long ago, there was a forest, a lovely forest of magic trees.
2. And all the leaves, with rainbow colours, with rainbow colours,
Stirred by the breeze.
3. But now the trees, the lovely ghost trees, the lovely ghost trees,
Have been cut down.
The seeds grow in silver baubles, like a star lit Christmas tree. When
the scent from their blossoms drift on the breeze Rebecca's World ....
Will then be free .
4. They've cut it down, the one remaining, the one remaining,
And now it's gone.
5. What could we do, to save the ghost tree, to save the ghost tree,
From Glister's hand?
6. And in the end, the ghosts will triumph, the ghosts will triumph,
And rule the land.
SONG: SAYING GOODBYE TO HER
CHORUS: Saying goodbye to her
Going back home again
I'll see you another day
Until then I'm waving goodbye
A tear just trickled down her eye as she waves her last goodbye
Kovak says I wonder if she got back home again.
A tear just trickled down her eye as she waves her last goodbye
Captain K said I just hope, she's safely on her way.
A tear just trickled down her eye As she waves her last goodbye
Kovak says I wonder if we'll ever meet again
A tear just trickled down her eye as she waves her last goodbye
Grisby says we never will forget her